i can't tell you how many times i've said to myself, "Self, what would I do if my cat's nose-hair got out of control? How would I manage this aesthetic tragedy in a humane and civilized fashion?" well, now there is hope. now there is help. now there is a web site discussing the finer points of shaving your cat's nose. here's one satisfied customer with an unobstructed nasal passage:

and if that squished-looking little face doesn't say "grateful," i just don't know what does. actually, upon reading the entirety of that page i am not altogether certain that the cat portrayed is a flesh-and-blood member of felis sylvestris; because i have never once seen a self-respecting specimen of cathood that would allow a human to approach its face with a disposable Bic--MUCH LESS, and here i shit you not, a pair of tweezers. yes, keep scrolling and you will be treated to an event so perilous that few mere mortals have survived it to tell the tale: the tweezing of the hairs that lurk within a cat's nose-dimple.


but what really gets me is the way the author of the article, a ms(?) Munira Murrey, insists that, "This may seem a little daunting to the first time groomer, but with a little care and a little know-how, it is easier than you think." obviously Ms. Murrey lives in a magical wonderland filled with boneless, clawless cats who lack both pride and functional nerve endings. i could not perform this procedure upon my own cat unless i first administered an epidural. though to their model's credit (and possibly indicating that it has a pulse), this cat is attempting to make the razor-wielder's head implode via telekinesis.


of course, Ms. Murrey is speaking with regards to show cats--specifically silver Persians--and she is not recommending this elaborate exercise in nostril-depilatory for any old mangey feline that you picked up at a shelter. and thank god for that. any creature so high maintenance that it must have its nose regularly shaved, well, that's too much princess for me. if i were to pay a thousand dollars for a pussycat, that damn cat had better be able to whip up a nice avacado dip with one paw and mail dinner invitations with the other. i sure as hell don't plan to trim its nose hair.*

~w_w~

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* disclaimer: i have known some lovely Persian cats in my time, and i bear them no ill-will...i just find them high-maintenance and funky-looking, and i personally would prefer to scrounge the humane society for more "common" feline company. but kudos to anyone with the patience to actually care for one of those things. damn.